Play the Morrissey Drinking Game
By Shannon Carlin
Heaven knows Morrissey will be miserable now until forever. And in the name of his infinite sadness we say take a drink. Or two. You know what, just keep ’em coming and pray we have enough cabernet to cover Moz’s entire 30-year career.
In honor of the recent release of Morrissey’s tenth solo studio LP, World Peace Is None Of Your Business, we thought up a drinking game in honor of Steven Patrick Morrissey and his pain, sorrow and his utter hatred for The Queen.
Being that World Peace Is None of Your Business is Morrissey’s first record in five years, we’ve broken things down into five common themes consistently heard in songs penned by the Moz. Under each theme we’ve listed a few specific rules that might have you taking anywhere from a sip to a shot to just chugging a full glass—or, since we’re doing this in honor of Morrissey, we’ll say half-full glass — of whatever you like.
With options, comes choices, so you can choose to play all five categories at the same time or focus on just one particular theme as you shuffle your way through a Morrissey playlist.
We suggest you make sure you’re not playing with anyone who has the flu or any kind of allergies since we don’t want to see you have to end the game early, along with that friendship. Actually, what are we saying, this is a game that is probably best played by one’s self in a barely lit room.
TAKE A SIP = any time he utters the word “please.” Rule applies triply to “Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want”
TAKE TWO SIPS = any time he sings about being rejected. If it’s by a woman, take only one sip. If it’s by Jesus, take a third sip
TAKE A SHOT = any time he pleads for love or understanding. Take an extra shot if he says he’s “drunk” while doing so
DRINK = any time he achieves a questionable rhyme (i.e. On “I Want The One I Can’t Have” where he somehow rhymes “mentality” with “biology”)
FINISH YOUR DRINK = any time he makes reference to the great Romantic poets like John Keats, William Butler Yeats or Oscar Wilde. Take an additional drink if he quotes or paraphrases said poet’s work
TAKE A SIP = any time he speaks of the dreariness that is working nine-to-five
TAKE TWO SIPS = if he sings of silly people doing silly things
TAKE A SHOT = any time he says he’s sorry. Take an additional shot if it sounds like he actually means it
DRINK = any time he takes a swipe at the monarchy, church or record industry.
FINISH YOUR DRINK = if he happens to rail against two of the above three in the same song