What we Seahawks need to do is get a big stick of sage (the weed) and light it up in the middle of the Georgia Dome and let the smoke clear away the bad energy that’s left over from our defeat at the hands of the Falcons in the playoffs last season.
The process is called smudging, and it ain’t just for hippies anymore. You start with that, then you get mentally strong. Then you get physically strong, and you stay that way. Max and Red, we need you fellas, so smudge your knees or whatever is ailing you now. It works, swear.
Okay, enough of the granola-talk… let’s kick the crap out of these birds. Every ornithological guide I’ve ever opened shows a big picture of a Seahawk eating the remains of a weak little Falcon. RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWK!!!
–Callahan, Jack FM