Okay, so this video is not as dramatic as that headline might make it sound. In fact, most of you are probably thinking, “ahhh, aren’t these kids adorable?!” Well, you’re probably in the majority, but let me explain why I think this video is horrifying.
The video starts out innocently enough, with cherub-faced children singing the happy birthday song and trying to blow out candles. Here’s where it starts to get stressful for me to watch. As hard as they try, these kids can’t seem to send their breath with the amount of force needed to extinguish a candle flame. It’s understandable, I guess. They’re young. The party guests must realize the birthday cakes are being layered with a slight film of kid slobber, right? Anxiety level rising.
Then it gets worse. The dirty stars of this supercut are the babies who go all in- chubby hands grabbing fistfuls of frosting-laden cake, the soggy concoction oozing out from between their fingers as it travels up to their faces only to to smeared from eyebrow to chin. It’s as if they’ve confused a birthday treat for bath soap. And as babies tend to do, they start waving their hands around in excitement sending wet, doughy projectiles of cake, frosting and spit into the air. A few dive in head first, lips gnawing on the cake like a chew toy. The clip ends with a closeup of a baby laying his tired head on a half-decimated pillow of chocolate frosting, too tired to continue his rampage of destruction. And the horror comes to an end.
Like I said, some of you will think I’m crazy (or crabby) for not cooing over these pint-size humans and their lust for frosting. But I ask you this: what about all those disappointed party guests who clearly will not be enjoying a slice of cake?
-JACK’s resident germaphobe