A Few Reasons Why Summer Really Sucks

Summer officially starts this Friday (June 21) and you’re probably really excited about it, aren’t you? Well, JACK is here to burst your bubble. Summer sucks… and here’s why.

Our pals over at Man Cave Daily put together a wonderfully depressing list of all the reasons we should just stay inside (other than people who wear clothes not meant for their body types).

First of all, cancer. It’s a real b*$#@. The conventional wisdom is that we’re supposed to slather on sunscreen to prevent sunburn, wrinkled, leathery-looking skin and most of all cancer. Turns out most of the sunscreens on the market don’t protect against cancer. In fact there’s new evidence that some sunscreens actually increase cancer risk. Figures.

Here’s one that will really make you want to take a shower, unless of course you enjoy the thought of being covered in poop. Some scientists somewhere decided to ruin a perfectly relaxing day at the beach by studying how much fecal matter is in sand. Apparently it’s a significant amount. Birds poop on the beach, a lot. And some of that gross stuff even comes from humans. Nasty.

If all of that doesn’t make you want to spend the next few months in the safety of your living room with Netflix and a cold margarita, consider this: summer is also the worst time for air pollution and migraines (which can be triggered by pollution and dehydration and humidity). And guys, it’s not the best time for baby-making either. Scientists don’t know exactly why, but as the temperature rises, a man’s sperm count drops. That even happens to guys who don’t spend a lot of time outside. Er, sorry about that.

Alright, who’s still excited about summer?

-RA, JACK Seattle


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